


how beautiful it was to be anything at all.

by commonemergency



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Going to college, Happy Ending, Moving On, Multi, saying goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 16:40:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12193698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: "Change is scary," Scott finally said."Yeah it is,"Or the one where Scott goes off to college to try and live a normal human life, and thinks about home and what it means to him.





	how beautiful it was to be anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for Teen Wolf in years. It's been so long. 
> 
> This fic happened because I ran [mccall-appreciation](http://mccall-appreciation.tumblr.com) since 2013 I felt like I needed to say goodbye to it, to this fandom, this community that I had come to love. I didn't know how really to say goodbye and then I figured that writing is something I do know how to do, so this is it. 
> 
> I figured that at some point they all were going to go to college eventually, this fic takes place during that time.
> 
> Title is from a beautiful song called 'Speak Up - Pop Etc' it sets the mood for the story. 
> 
> This had no beta so all mistakes are my own, but I hope you enjoy.

**i.**

It’s a mountain top in Scotland, more specifically it’s called Arthur’s Seat. Their taxi driver had gotten them as close as he could get before letting them out. For two guys that often ran from danger walking up the hill to the mountain top seemed to be extremely strenuous, with ragged breathing and reaching out for the water bottle that the other was carrying. Other people were making the trek too knowing that it was about to rain on them any second. Scott had pushed Stiles’ butt repeatedly as a joke, but mainly because they needed to keep going. 

“I think this is good here,” Stiles said, breathing heavily, squinting at the view before turning to Scott. 

“Yeah, this is good,” Scott agreed, grabbing the water bottle and taking a drink of it, and then grabbing his phone to send pictures to his mom later. “Come here,” he said after snapping a few photos, Stiles had squished his face next to Scott and they had taken one serious photos and then a couple of silly ones and placed his phone back in his pocket. 

The trip was last minute -- they had bought the tickets to London literally a week before and had no idea if their passports were even valid but they were committed. It was a last trip before Stiles going back to FBI school and Scott to college in the Sacramento area. There would be a distance between them again and the thought had terrified both of them but they hadn’t talked much about Scott going to school, and leaving Beacon Hills for good (or until they all inevitably headed back for the holidays). 

Scott had sat down on the wet grass and Stiles followed with him, and both had looked out at the view. It was cloudy, you could see the neighbourhood surrounding the area but it looked like specks and then you could see the ocean. They were leaving tomorrow, having spent only a week in London, Scott making jokes about there being a werewolf in London, and Stiles pushing him while they crashed in a hotel airbnb and Stiles getting wasted while Scott carried him home. There last day would be spent here before heading back home tomorrow. 

“Is it weird that I kind of don’t want to go home?” Stiles had started to pick at the grass beneath him. There was a strange feeling in Scott’s chest hearing it. The feeling had been there a while but he just didn’t want to deal with it. After everything the pack had been through, and finally having a moment to rest it felt like the beginning of a new chapter, but there were many nights where Scott would wake up in a panic, think if it was right for him to go to college, if it was the best choice. What would Beacon Hills do? What about Liam? The thought of changing out of his normal routine had terrified him, but he was so ready. He was so ready to feel a little normal again. He had to grow up so quickly it wasn’t fair to any of them in the pack who had just wanted to live a normal life -- and yet, they were trying. 

They’d all be splitting up and going different directions. Some following others, and others staying in Beacon Hills. It was inevitable. Growing up. 

“I don’t want to go home either.” Scott had placed a hand on Stiles’ shoulder, a gentle squeeze, a reminder that he too was scared of what they’d come back to. “I want to stay here for a while.” In this moment, with his best friend, looking out at an incredible view of Scotland. Here he didn’t worry about what would happen to him, there was no one attacking them, he almost felt his age. 

“You know what’s one of my favourite memories?” Scott stretched his legs now, and Stiles shook his head. 

“The summer you got your license. We had made these plans to like go across America, our first stop was going to be Vegas, obviously, because we were clearly old enough to gamble and drink, and then Arizona to watch the sunrise over the Grand Canyon.” They had gotten out a map and everything, marked places on the map with a sticker of where they were going to go. Just the two of them. The reality was they didn’t have money and their parents had thought that it wasn’t the best idea, instead Melissa ended up taking them to South Lake Tahoe and they camped out for a few days and made s’mores instead. They had gone skinny dipping one of those nights, Stiles had gotten bit in the ass from something in the water and ran quick out of the water and Scott hadn’t seen Stiles run that fast ever in his life. They could laugh about it now but at the time it seemed terrifying. 

Stiles had thrown his head back and laughed, “Now look where we are.” They were a little bit older, had some saved money in the bank, and were heading off in directions with their life. 

“That’s one of mine too.” Stiles had taken another drink of the water and then felt the first drop of rain on his pants. 

“Change is scary,” Scott finally said. 

“Yeah, it is.”

**ii.**

There’s a barbecue at Scott’s house the last day before everyone goes off their separate ways. The older adults are huddled together drinking beer, it’s rare to see Sheriff Stilinski without his uniform on but he looks relaxed, is Scott’s first thought. There’s a feeling in the air, for the first time in months he feels like he can actually breathe. He knows that deep down this is how it’s supposed to be the night before big changes, you’re supposed to be surrounded by the people that you love. Though there’s a few people missing. The one’s that couldn’t make it, due either to death or because they had already left, but it’s enough. This is enough for him. 

His phone vibrates and he sees that it’s a text message from Derek.

_Good luck Scott_

He smiles down at it, he’ll answer it later. He doesn’t really feel like crying right now. Though he can feel it in the back of his throat, threatening to spill over. 

There’s laughter in the air, happy tears because they’re laughing at something Liam had said that was meant to be serious but taken in a funny way because he doesn’t even realize it yet. Stiles cracks a joke at Liam who can’t help but look down and smile because he won’t admit but he’ll miss him too and all of his friends are leaving, and he knows that he’ll stay in touch but he’s scared too. 

When Liam does look up Scott’s already staring at him and nods his head, because he was there once upon a time too. Scott has enough empathy to go around, and he has enough knowledge of pain to understand of what it was like to lose a group of people who mean a lot to you. 

Malia holds Scott’s hand as they’re surrounded by the fire pit, taking turns with the s’mores. “I can’t remember the last time I had a s’more,” Malia says, there’s something in her pitch that makes Scott think that she’s probably thinking of her mom and sister, a memory that was a lifetime ago but savored as she takes her first bite. She leans against the boy and he strokes her shoulder. 

“You’ll call me right?” Malia asks quietly. 

Scott nods his head, “Of course.” Her plan was to go to the community college in Beacon Hills, maybe get a part time job somewhere, she had thought about volunteering at the animal shelter until she figured out what she wanted to do, it seemed like a good idea to Scott too. 

He knows that people will start leaving soon, the conversations had started to die down, and they were all collectively sitting in comfortable silence listening to the sound of fire crackling. 

“Should we toast?” Scott suggests, looking around at the people in his life -- the people that he had grown to love, to trust. These were the people that had helped shaped who he was as a person, they challenged him and stood by him during times that seemed unbearable. They all had a darkness inside of them because of things they’ve seen and witnessed and felt, but that wasn’t always a bad thing. Scott still felt it sometimes, and he had explained how it felt before, _like looking into a heart of immense darkness_ , but he found that even though the art of letting go was hard, and even sometimes difficult, he knew that his friends had felt it too and they could rely on each other. 

They had all lifted their cups and Scott had tried to think of what he could say because he had so many thoughts, so many good memories he wanted to reflect on, but all he could think of was how goddamn lucky he was to have these group of people in his life. 

“I know that I should say something long and dramatic, but uh, if I do I’m afraid I’ll cry or something,” he chuckled, “so, I guess I just want to say- thank you guys for- for everything. And I’ll see you all at Thanksgiving, back in my backyard,” he made a point to look at everyone directly, and they laughed and nodded their head, of course they’d come back. “So to us,” 

Raymond Carver had once said, _“I could hear my heart beating, I could hear everyone’s heart. I could hear the human noise we sat there making, not one of us moving, not even when the room went dark.”_ With red cups in the air, tapping against the person closest and reaching over a crackling fire they toasted to them, an accomplishment all in itself. Things were changing, but it was okay.

Scott had gone through a line of hugs, Melissa had cried, hugging all the kids that had become her pseudo children, she had wished them all good luck. Malia had hugged Scott for a long time, and told him that she’d call him tomorrow. 

Then there was Stiles. 

They had stood there looking at each other until Scott had made the first move. They had wrapped their arms around each other. It was always the worst part, leaving your best friend. It didn’t help that Stiles was his person, and that by now they should have been used to saying goodbye. It didn’t make it any easier. Whenever Stiles was away Scott had felt something in his stomach, that went up to his chest, and got stuck in his throat. He’d think about his best friend and the fond memories that he had. Once upon a time they were just two kids searching for a body in the woods with terrible haircuts and clothes. 

“I hate this,” Stiles had laughed into Scott’s sweatshirt. 

“I know,” Scott said, mirroring the other boy. He felt it then. He hadn’t cried in so long but he felt the first tear roll down his cheek onto the other’s shoulder. 

“I’ll come visit you or you’ll come visit me,” It wasn’t a question, it was a promise. Scott didn’t break promises. 

“Okay,” Stiles says, wiping his own face and looking at Scott, “Okay.” 

**iii.**

Eventually the last car leaves and Melissa goes to bed but not without hugging her son, she tells him to get some sleep, they have a long drive tomorrow. 

When he knows she’s asleep he grabs his coat and goes to the backyard and to his mother’s garden that she’s attempting to have again and he tries his best to clip some flowers off without killing the plant but he knows he probably has and he knows that his mom will forgive him. 

He doesn’t take his bike, instead he runs. It’s not that far and he knows a quicker way to get there. 

There are days when he can go without thinking about it. Tonight just didn’t seem right if he didn’t at least go for one last time until the next time. He didn’t know when that would be. 

Allison’s grave is under a tree that’s just starting to really grow. It’s been a long time since Scott had come and he can’t help but smile at the growing tree. He had found it fitting when he saw it being planted by her grave, it would give Chris some shade when he would come and catch her up on his life. It just hurt too much for Scott to visit as much as Chris, but he came. He came for her birthday, for her dad’s birthday, for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and even Valentine’s Day when he could remember because she’d always be his girl. 

He placed the flowers on the grave and had sat down cross legged. He wanted to tell her everything that happened, but he liked to think that she had been there and that she already knew. Instead, he tells her about his trip to the United Kingdom with Stiles, and he tells her about his favourite memory, and how she would have loved the scenery and the sea. He tells her that he’s going to school tomorrow and how terrified he is, and how he wished that she could be there with him. He tells her about Lydia, and Lydia with Stiles, and says that she probably already knows because Lydia must have told her but he wanted to confirm. He talks about Malia, and how he isn’t sure- and how he’s scared of loving someone else, but he knows that he has enough love in his heart too, anyway. 

He wishes she were still here. 

When the wind starts to blow he swears he can smell her perfume. 

He places a hand on her grave and he tells her that he’ll see her soon. 

When he gets home he texts Kira. He’s not sure if it’s even her number anymore but he tries anyway.

 _I hope you’re well. I’m sorry for not keeping in contact, I should have._  
_Thanks for being there when you were. I miss you loads._  
_-Scott_

**iv.**

The drive to Sacramento isn’t that long, but they wake up early for it anyway. They had already loaded a lot of stuff yesterday before the barbecue. Scott’s room looks empty, and it makes him feel a little weird seeing all of his posters taken down and wrapped away to put on a new wall in his dorm room. 

Liam had come over early in the morning since he had already started school to say bye to Scott one last time. He helped put the last boxes in the car and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously before he sighed and wrapped his arms around Scott. 

“I’m scared, Scott,” he says against him and Scott holds him a little tighter. 

“Liam, you’re gonna to be fine. I believe in you.” Scott messes with his hair and smiles at him. “Believe in yourself. Beacon Hills is going to need you more than ever. Man the ship while I’m away,” he teases him and yet he knows that must have terrified Liam a little bit. 

“You have a whole group here, you’ll be okay. I’m just a phone call away.” When he looked at Liam he saw for a second, the first memory he had with him, he was so angry, hating the world that had done such horrible things to him, but Scott still knew that he had a chance, he just needed someone to believe in him. 

“You need to get to school but I’ll call you later.” 

Liam hugs him one last time and waves him goodbye. 

Melissa looks over at Scott as they pass by the places that Scott calls home, it was funny for him to think of how badly he was dying to get out of Beacon Hills, but driving pass the sign, “ _You are now leaving Beacon Hills. Come again soon!_ ” makes him feel small. 

She reaches over to squeeze his hand and Scott smiles at his mom. “I’m okay.” 

**v.**

Melissa cries when the last box hits the ground in Scott’s dorm. She repeats her words, she can’t believe her baby is finally off to college. She knows that he’s not far away. It’s only a couple of hours away, he could probably run fast enough and be there within the hour. She’ll still miss him. 

“You are the best part of me,” the one thing that she got right. She smooths his hair over, and hugs him one more time, and when she tries to pull away he doesn’t let her. He had always considered himself to be a strong person. Someone who could be self sufficient, but there were moments -- like these, when anxiety was the only thing he could feel, he was far enough from home to already feel homesick, surrounded by people he didn’t know, and his mom was about to leave, it had just reminded him that even people like Scott McCall still needed his mom and the reassurance that he’d be okay. 

“Remember Scott, be your own anchor,” she kisses him on the forehead and waves goodbye. 

“Text me when you get home,” he calls out to her and she nods. 

He’s alone. 

He goes over to his window and he looks out at the families saying goodbye to their children, and he smiles. Knowing that he wasn’t the only one who felt this way was comforting, even though he missed his friends. He would make new ones. 

It had been a long time since Scott felt human. So he welcomed these emotions that he was feeling gladly. Because he didn’t think that he’d get to feel homesick for Beacon Hills, or homesick for friends and lovers back home, he didn’t think that he’d even be able to leave. He didn’t think that he’d get to have this feeling of nervousness for the first official day of school. He was enjoying being _human._

**vi.**

When his roommate starts to move in he offers to help, they had talked over Facebook not too long ago it was nice putting a face to the boy named Levi other than the few profile pictures he saw of the guy. He seemed friendly enough. 

He makes a few jokes with his roommates parents, and they tell, Levi that he has a pretty cool roommate and Scott can’t help but crack a smile. He leaves them alone as they say goodbye and when he comes back they figure out how they want to set up their new room. Levi has speakers and they bond over 90’s music, but particularly Blink 182. 

Scott puts his corkboard up with the limited tools that he brought and gets his pictures out to tack on the board. Levi looks over and walks a little bit closer. 

“Are these all your friends?” 

Scott smiles, looking at all the pictures he’s pinned on the board already. 

“Yeah, let me tell you about them,” 

So he does. 

At least as much as he can tell him about them. 

“Alright, so your girlfriend is?”

“Malia,”

“Best friend is?”

“Stiles.”

“He’s the FBI one, yeah?” 

“Correct.” 

“And they both dated each other?”

“It’s complicated.”

So far, that’s all he knows, but they’re going down the list of friends he has one by one, because Scott wants him to know what his friends mean to him. They pause to get something to eat at their dining hall, the food isn’t his mom’s, and it’s not the mexican place that Isaac and Scott found by accident, but it’ll do. 

When they walk back to their dorm they don’t run out of things to talk about and Scott takes it as a good sign. 

Scott FaceTimes with Malia and tells her of the trip up to Sacramento and how he’s liking the campus, but he has to go soon because he promised that he’d call Stiles and his mom. They’ll be in touch tomorrow. 

Scott calls his mom and they talk briefly but she has to go to work tomorrow early in the morning, but she says that she loves him and the house doesn’t feel the same and it makes his heart ache a little bit. 

Stiles is still up by the time Scott calls him and they chat for an hour, they’re both settling into their new lives, and Scott introduces Levi to Stiles and Stiles says to take care of his buddy. 

It doesn’t hurt as much now that he’s here. After the first day coming to a close he feels like he can do this and he’ll be okay. 

**vii.**

Liam updates him every couple of days on what’s happening in Beacon Hills, but he misses Scott and it’s not the same, but he was right -- it was nothing that he couldn’t handle. He just can’t wait until he comes back. 

He misses Beacon Hills in the way he misses an old friend. 

Scott ends up exploring Sacramento and finds that he quite likes Old Sacramento with the train museum and the view of the river and Tower Bridge. If you go across the street there’s a dock area to take pictures of the river and the freeway in the distance. It’s his favourite place to go during sunset. It’s a drive to get to Sacramento but he’s figure out the bus transportation well enough to make the trip. He takes pictures and sends them to his mom who quickly responds back, “pretty!” 

When he looks back on the pictures he’s taken, he’s sitting back in his dorm room on his bed and when he’s reached the end he slides past the pictures he took when Scott and Stiles were in London and Scotland. 

He shoots Stiles a quick text telling him he misses him. 

They’re all settling into their lives now, communication isn’t as much as it used to be but it’s enough to let everyone know that they’re thinking of each other. 

Lydia sends cooking recipes in a group chat that no one will ever try but they all appreciate it anyway. 

Liam starts the countdown to Thanksgiving break a month in advance with a lot of emoji’s. 

Scott stresses over tests, exams, and professors. 

He’s never been so glad to be stressing over school than anything else. 

Liam, Mason, Corey, and Malia take a day trip to see Scott, he shows them his favourite places in Sacramento, and tells them about his classes, but mainly he wants to know what’s been going on in Beacon Hills. So they tell him over a diner by his school, and it almost feels like home. 

**viii.**

Scott’s last day of school before Thanksgiving break is a hectic one but he’s so glad to be done for a couple of days and be able to go back to see his family. His dad is even coming over for dinner. 

Levi and Scott say goodbye and that he’ll text him over the break. 

He thinks it’s his mom who’s picking him up, but when a familiar jeep rolls up to the parking lot Scott nearly drops his suitcase. 

The drive back is filled with laughter and catching up and Scott barely realizes they’re passing, ‘ _Welcome to Beacon Hills! Enjoy your stay!_ ' sign, and the familiar tall trees, he rolls his window down just to really get the scent of home. It was amazing how comforting the smell of the familiar pines was. 

Scott had once had to explain what home had meant to him. The most simplest answer was to say obviously the home that he had grown up in with the neighbours that had lived next to him his entire life. Now as an adult he had time to think about that answer again as they passed by all the familiar places of Beacon Hills. He didn’t understand the complexity of the question at that age, and if you were to ask him again what home meant to him he’d tell you it was a jeep with his best friend blasting New Radicals, he’d tell you that home was a town filled with over 30,000 people yet his small group of friends were the one’s that made the heart of it, and that there’s this mexican place off Fourth and Pine that’s to die for, and that for a lot of his high school years he spent quite a bit of time at the local veterinary and had been taught a lot of harsh life lessons in the back room but it still felt like home. As did the park by his house, and even Lacrosse field at Beacon Hills High. He had realized that home wasn’t so much a place, even though, yes, technically it was, but it was also the people in the place that made it home. 

When they parked in front of his house he could already tell from the familiar faint smell of his friends and seeing their cars that they were already here for his welcome back. 

He was home. This was home.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos appreciated! 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr/twitter: @nihilismdan where i talk about two british guys.


End file.
